Home > Blog > Gratitude > How to Give Thanks When You’ve Had a Crappy Year

It’s Thanksgiving and everyone is getting together with their families to enjoy a good meal together and give thanks for their many blessings. Well, that’s how it’s supposed to go… but what if you’re had a really crappy year and aren’t feeling grateful for the cards you got dealt this year at all? What if you’re in the middle of tragedy or still trying to find the ground again after a significant loss? What if life has felt particularly cruel and lacking this year?

Of course eating yourself into an ice-cream coma and hiding under the duvet until Thanksgiving weekend is over is always an option, but genuine gratitude is an amazing feeling. And considering the year you’ve had, you deserve to get to feel good. So this year, instead of faking gratitude and clenching your teeth through your dysfunctional family’s dinner, try doing this instead:

Give yourself permission to stop faking it.

When you’re faking it you’re fighting yourself. And when you’re fighting yourself, someone’s going to lose… and it’s going to be you. You’ve had a hard enough time, so drop the stress of faking it, say “stuff it,” breathe out and let go of the “Thanksgiving Dream.” Can you feel your shoulders start softening already?

Acknowledge the things that you feel disappointed, hurt, sad or angry about.

You don’t have to go into denial or pump up your positive thinking to feel gratitude. Gratitude only feels good if it’s genuine and genuine gratitude is based in reality and truth. Perhaps the main truth you can see right now is that you’re tired and sore and life has been hard on you. Begin grounding yourself in the truth by allowing yourself to fully appreciate the degree of disappointment, failure, loss or lack that you feel right now. What disappointed you? What dreams were obstructed or obliterated? What are you angry or heartbroken about? Get really specific. The truth is specific and detailed, and totally safe and even liberating to observe.

Get more clarity on what you really value.

The painful emotions that come up when we face lack and loss are precious beacons, giving us greater clarity and helping us identify our unique and true priorities at a time when we may feel groundless, scared and overwhelmed. Now that you’re looking into the face of your disappointment, failure, lack and loss, examine what was so precious to you about those people and experiences that have been broken, lost or lacking this year. What does that tell you about what’s really important to you? And what’s important about that? Knowing what’s really important to you will give you peace of mind about the decisions you make as you navigate uncertain and difficult territory.

Look for the awe in the awful.

When someone or something you really love is lacking or lost, there’s no void. There’s always something that grows in the space where you had expected or wanted the thing you really love to be. What you hoped for isn’t there. What’s there instead though?

What have you learned about yourself, others or life in general, because of the lack or loss you experienced this year? What resourcefulness and resilience have you found within yourself that you never knew existed before the tragedy or loss that happened this year? How will these lessons and your newfound resourcefulness and resilience serve you in your work, health, family and relationships and beyond in years to come? How could you use it to serve others?

Do a little something to improve someone else’s life.

Most of us think of serving others as something we do when life is abundant and we have spare energy, time or money that we can give away. No matter how much you’ve lost or how many things you feel are lacking in your life right now, there’s always something you can give. When you serve or give, you affirm the idea that you have enough to give and you place yourself in situations where you’ll have the opportunity to get some perspective on how many ways you really are blessed. Deliberate service will also help you to notice the experiences of lack and loss that other people are having, which will increase your compassion. In serving others, you’ll get a better appreciation for both the smallness of your life in the big world of people all facing their own hardships and doing their best with what they’ve got, and also the significance of your life and your ability to make a positive difference. If you can’t yet find things to be grateful for when you examine your own lack and loss experiences, service to others will show you abundant reasons to feel genuinely grateful, and at the same time you’ll get to feel the exhilaration that comes with the intimacy of making a positive difference in another person’s life.

Photo Credit: César Augusto Serna Sz